With Saturn stepping back into Scorpio, I'm all about working with that finishing energy to finish this quest I started three plus years ago.
Honestly, I've spent years working on my messed up relationship to food and eating. From a mentality where I honestly didn't think I was worthy of feeding, to body image discourse, to poverty, to frustration and anger, I've done the work. It's time to finish it.
And with that I am making a commitment (an honestly terrifying one) to eat intuitively every day, with a heavy focus on vegetarianism from here on out. One of the things all the work I did uncovered was that I was terrified of food and honestly, in moments, it still scares me. However, that being said, I also love food! I'm an artist and one of my favorite mediums is food. Also, since healing so many of my issues, I find myself noticing food. Like when I'm out at Disney, I see food carts and restaurants and think, wow, I'd like to try that.
It's such a surreal thing for me, so I've decided to
embrace that and even go so far as to be a food blogger for Disney, adding my voice to those already out there, but maybe from the viewpoint of a woman who's had an abusive relationship with food all her life, finally finding peace with it.
Such a paradigm shift for me, you don't even know.
As for the vegetarian twist, it's really for no other reason than I've wanted to try vegetarianism since I was nine years old, because I don't like the fact that an animal has to die so I can eat it, especially when in this day and age, it's so unnecessary. My animal loving soul is really stepping forward, said by the absolute lover of steak and hamburger. While I won't swear off meat entirely, I am going to give vegetarian dishes and the lifestyle an honest try. I won't be preaching at you all to do the same, this is something I'm doing for my inner nine year old who was denied this opportunity.
Lastly, I truly believe the body to be a sacred temple of the soul, but my body has been under attack from my earliest memories and it's taken a great deal of strength, honesty and healing to find true love for this temple.
There are days I still struggle with it, but what I truly believe is that my body and I are on the same team now, and I've pledged to start treating it so, protect it and respect it for the amazing creation that it is and really appreciate how hard it works for me.
I've done a great deal of work asking for, and giving myself forgiveness for the abuse I've dealt myself, for not being my own protector, simply because I didn't know any better.
That level of healing is a powerful thing and I desire more than almost anything now, to reclaim my body from all that abuse and that starts with food, fitness, and vanity, but I'll get into that a little later.
I'm striving to eat more vegetarian foods, for compassion's sake, but also because my body craves it. I'm not abusing myself under some notion of "working out". Instead I'm indulging in things I love, swimming, dancing, walking my pups and yoga. Someday I really hope to add tennis and belly dancing back into the mix, maybe even salsa or ballroom too!
Right now, my journey is about truth and love, in how I eat, how I take care of myself and how I keep fit. Let this next stage of my journey truly begin.
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