Still, this is my decision and I'm not letting some waves turn me back to my old life. Anytime you start something new, make changes, write over old patterns, there's push back. It'll pas and when it does, I'll be healthier, happier, and hopefully even thinner. ;)
So here we go, first week changing everything about my food... and some would say, I'm going to fail tomorrow as I go out for one of the best burgers I've ever had! And I'm probably going to top that off with a cherry coke.
That aside, I made a radical change this past week to support myself in the new lifestyle I'm trying to embark on and for that, I'm really proud of myself. I also have stuck with it despite the set backs and fiascoes . I'm committed, lets just say.
So usually about once a week, my kids and I go out for a meal together. It's a nice time, we spend about $40 and every time I wonder if I should have spent the money differently.
I know, but seriously, I'm an air sign, I'm in my head ALL THE TIME!
Again, that aside, so this week, we did taco bell instead of a restaurant and I took the other $20 to the grocery store with explicit instructions to spend that $20 on luxury items for the new food plan.
You know, the things I'd never buy myself because it's "not in the budget." I splurged on the "good" olive oil, I went organic with some of my produce, I bought really good cheese.
Here's what I bought -
- corn on the cob
- red grapes
- green apples
- baby carrots
- olive hummus
- extra sharp cheddar
- plain greek yogurt
- limes
- olive oil
- cinnamon
- almond milk
Yep, I was feeling pretty good about it all, and then I thought, why don't I just do this anyway?
Seriously, my money issues are so tied into every area of my life, but none more so than food.
I've done the work and the healing to break this, so that night in meditation, I just stopped.
I told my guides I would not pray one more word about "money" other than a daily thank you for all I've received and all that's coming my way. I've made this ginormous commitment to simply not think of money anymore, other than in gratitude. Period. (yeah I'll get tested and stumble, but this is my new intention)
I'm stopping the constant chatter about what's the right way to spend money and what's the wrong way. I realized that when I say, "I want to be responsible with my money" I'm actually adding a hidden, responsible for a poor person who doesn't deserve more.
sigh... yeah seriously, I found that little hidden treasure recently and I'm weeding it out!
It's just money... good lord. There's a lot of it out there and when you live in flow... you live in flow with money too.
It's an absolute fact. I see it every time.
All that being said. So I started to think about how I'd eat if money were really no object, and you know what? I actually surprised myself.
I think I always thought I'd want steak, and to eat out... and yes, some of the time I would. I'd like to eat at Disney more with friends, but to be honest, at home, I'm bored with big meals and balancing carbs, fats and proteins.
From here on out, I'm eating tapas style, thinking produce first, vegetarian protein options second. So far today, I had two small tortillas, grilled up with a veggie mix and some feta cheese, grapes on the side. I had a small bowl of cookies and cream ice cream, and I had an apple with some of that really nice cheddar I bought with a glass of milk.
This is truly a weird thing for me. There's a voice in my head screaming WHAT ABOUT THE PROTEIN???? But you know what? All my adult life, I've followed "healthy" eating guidelines, and I'm not seeing how it's served me. I'm listening to myself, not fearing money and using myself as an enormous guinea pig here, but I'm going with it.
I think the hardest thing for me at this point, is to ignore the habits and patterns of my past... pizza and burgers are SO easy and I have this sense that if I'm not eating that perfect pyramid at every meal, then why bother. Now, I have to try this. I have to see.
Okay, cut to an hour later, I went, I bought the sweet potatoes, found broccoli in the deals at my local produce market. I got about $4 worth of broccoli for 99 cents... color me happy thank you. I could not however find pears without walking to the market a couple blocks up. So I forgo the pears, and instead decide to add an ear of corn and some red grapes... color me happiER.
But then...
Everything is ready... we have no butter.
I was like, okay, I can deal with the sweet potato with no butter, MAYBE, but not the corn. So off I go at 9 at night to the market I hadn't wanted to walk to earlier and since I'm there, I get my dang pears.
I'm seriously mad at myself the whole way there. Just in a frustrated way because all these changes, they just seem so hard and so alien to me. I like the food. I'm not hungry. I just... I feel scared all the time. Like I don't even know, the food's going to sneak up and get me?
In the past, little hiccups like this would have sent me into depressed, nevermind land... but not this time.
I am staying this course, through the bumps and trials. I believe I'll get the hang of this and this WILL help me breakthrough on weight and health and even with aging issues.
I'm only a few days in, it's been a bit bumpy, but the food's been beautiful.
So here's to tomorrow and my burger! And coming home and still eating something on my plan and not saying, well I had a burger, fuck it, let's get a pizza too.
Weird challenges with this, but I'm going to see it through.
I have to.
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