Food Rambles

My guides keep bringing up the idea of making soup.

I like the idea, especially having soup on hand in the evening since I stay up so late, but don't want to eat a big meal that late in the day. Though, it's been a while since I really, truly embraced cooking. It's the kitchen, mostly, but as I wrote in my last post, I have to spot making excuses.

I realized today. I've been saying how there are two things that haven't materialized in my new life, money and romance, and there are two things I still haven't gotten a handle on, writing and weight.

Wow, could the possibly be connected? *she says with tongue planted firmly in cheek.*

In weight, I'm letting the size of my kitchen and the size of my budget limit my diet and limit what god/the universe/the great spirit/whatever label you are most comfortable with, is able to bring into my life. I have my food list, my guides are pointing me to things that are even easy to make like the soup for late night nibbles. I mean come on, having some soup, either with, or without, a piece of bread would be a really nice late night treat and for me, very satisfying. I can make a
really big pot of soup, and eat it until it's gone, then make a different variety... it's a great idea and I need to stop with the fear and the excuses and just do it.

In writing, I'm having difficulty switching gears between fiction and the blogging and articles I write. I think I'm still wanting my fiction to look like it did seven years ago when I had literally no life and all I did from the time I woke, until I went to bed, was write.

I think I can hit a pretty steady 5k a day and I think I need to let that be good enough and stop putting it off until I have the space cleared for a 12k day.

I mean hell, 3 5k days is more than that and at this rate I'm burning daylight!

It's so funny to me all the little things we let get into our heads and stop us. Food is my biggest issue right now, because I'm not particularly feeling it, but I am sick to death of time passing and my weight staying the same... and yes I'm sure I've said that a time or two in the last two years... it seriously makes me livid with myself.

So I am trying very hard to be serious, I have reasons, I have motivators, I have knowledge, I can do this... so just do it already!! sheesh!

Today I was at taco bell... I can't be there tomorrow.

I feel so much better eating fresh food and drinking my water. I have energy and focus, but what I'm surprised by is how much, a week in again that I'm still not pumped to do this.

It's about choices and I keep visualizing in my head chicken and spring onion and seasoned yellow squash. I love healthy, real food, I'm craving it, but my emotions have not gotten on board yet.

Ordinarily my emotions would have followed along by now, but then I have been dealing with a great deal of stress this week too and I guess not hitting taco bell every day this week is saying something, but I'm disorganized. I need to pull it together.

I've got a lot on my plate and that's only going to get bigger as my life and my career shift I need the stamina and the energy...

The only answer I have here is to keep going, no matter how I feel about this, I need to do this from my brain. Knowing my spiritual life the way I do, I almost wonder if this isn't an intentional test for me. I know I need to get over my emotions where food is concerned, and this seems to be as good a time as any to learn that lesson and kick its ass!

sigh... I SO don't feel like it though LOL

Wish me luck, I'm not gonna back out now.